Hurt
by twistedmic
Summary: Shinji wants the pain to stop. A short one shot angst fic. probably not for younger readers


Authors Notes: I wrote this in about thirty to forty five minutes over the course of two days. I got the idea of writing this after re-reading the first issue of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and listening to Last Resort (by Papa Roach). The title comes from Hurt by Johnny Cash.

Hurt

"Worthless little boy!" Snarled a hateful, female voice. "You've been a burden on us since your father kicked you to the curb!"

"Nobody wants you' nobody loves you. Yui left because of you!" Growled a cold, adult male voice.

"Disgusting pervert! Get away from me, freak!" Screeched a young woman.

"I hate you!"

"You disgust me."

"I should have let you drown."

"Perverted moron!"

Shinji woke from his restless slumber with a choked, hollow sob and clutched his tear-stained pillow tightly, hoping to glean even the tiniest scrap of comfort.

He soon gave up on attaining anything from the mass of cotton and feathers, and wearily climbed out of bed.

"I'm so tired of being alone." Shinji whispered as he stood before his dresser "I'm so tired of being used. I just want it all to end. I want to be free from the pain, the humiliation, from EVA, from NERV. I want to see mother again, even if it is from hell."

Shinji sighed heavily and reached into his top dresser drawer. "This is it." He whispered as he pulled out the .38 caliber revolver he had taken from Misato's room two nights ago. "My key to freedom."

Shinji gently, almost reverently thumbed back the hammer, the ratcheting click echoing through the empty room.

The boy pressed the barrel of his gun against his temple and wrapped his finger around the trigger. He closed his eyes tightly in anticipation as he pulled the trigger.

Instead of the expected boom and brief flash of fire, preceding his release of death, Shinji heard the sharp, dry click of the hammer striking an empty chamber.

"Shinji!" Asuka bellowed. "Get your lazy ass out here and make my breakfast!"

Shinji stuffed the revolver back into his dresser and covered it with pairs of socks and underwear. The third child wearily walked to the kitchen and mechanically started cooking breakfast.

"Japanese again? Damn it Baka! " Asuka snapped when Shinji placed several plates of rice and Miso soup on the table. "I want real food! Not rice and fish!"

"Be nice Asuka," Misato mumbled as she staggered sleepily into the kitchen to get her first beer of the day. "If you break him, it'll cost to much to get a new one. And I will not be doing any cooking or cleaning."

Asuka let out an annoyed grunt. "Fine, I'll leave the boring little boy alone. He's not much fun anyway."

Shinji sighed wearily and, after mumbling, "I'm leaving", trudged out of the apartment.

'_I'm just a tool to them, something to cook for them, clean for them, do their laundry for them. They don't care about me, no one does, no one can.'_

Shinji lifelessly climbed aboard the nearest train, lowered himself into a bench seat and tuned the outside world out, letting the cruel words from his dreams run through is mind.

"Worthless little boy!"

"Nobody wants you!"

"I hate you!"

"I should have let you drown."

"You were a mistake."

"Yui left because of you."

"You disgust me."

"Never speak to me again pervert!"

The train pulling to a stop jarred Shinji from dark thoughts. The sole male EVA pilot pulled himself to his feet and walked over to the open doors, bumping into an older girl as he moved.

'_Why should I even bother going to school? I'm to stupid to get any use from going to school.'_

Shinji turned and headed in the opposite direction of the school, towards mountain range that encircled Tokyo-3.

After several hours of walking, and a ride on a bus, Shinji found himself at one of the Tokyo-3 over looks.

"This place is beautiful." He whispered. He walked over to the guardrail, climbed over it and sat down near the cliffs edge. "Here, I can stop the hurt here."

Shinji leaned back against the guardrail and stared out at the mists that embraced the mountainside.

"That's because you kissed me jerk!"

"Worthless child."

"Stupid idiot!"

"Get away from me pervert!"

"If you're going to act that way, maybe you should just leave!"

"Sorry newcomer, but I had to clock you."

"Nasty little liar!"

"You're just a burden on us."

"Disgusting freak!"

"What are you, stupid?"

"No one will love you."

"You disgust me."

"Why the hell are you trying to talk to me?"

"Yui left because of you."

"Murderer!"

"Pervert!"

"Loser!"

Shinji jerked awake after a near deafening peal of thunder. He stood up and stepped over to the edge of the cliff once more and sighed heavily. "This will be better for everyone. They can all be happier."

Shinji flexed his knees slightly, and then leapt off the cliff and into the slightly swirling mist.

Shinji let his eyes drift closed as he fell through the sky, feeling oddly serene as he hurtled towards the rocky ground below.

Seconds before he hit the ground, Shinji heard a soft, warm female voice, filled with love, echo through his mind.

"Good night my little angel."

Authors Notes: This story takes place anytime after the episode where Asuka kisses Shinji (I can't remember the episode number). Feel free to criticize.


End file.
